Nine weeks ago I had surgery on my right knee. Since helping folks prepare for surgery is what I do, I wanted to share this experience with you. Spoiler alert: It hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be!
I had arthroscopic surgery on my right knee to repair a torn meniscus and some osteoarthritis. Arthroscopic surgery of the knee is a minimally invasive procedure where two small incisions are made on either side of the front of the knee. The surgeon places a small, lighted tube with a camera through one incision and small instruments through the other to perform the surgery. My surgery lasted about 45 minutes, which is average. My surgeon said recovery would take 4 to 6 weeks.
When someone is having surgery, it’s important to understand why. The reason why someone chooses to have surgery informs so much: namely, what they’ve experienced leading up to the surgery and what they hope to accomplish by having the procedure done. For me, I can narrow my “why” down to one word: hiking.
Those of you who know me know that I love to hike. Living in Houston, Texas and being a lover of hiking means I must travel to hike, and fortunately that’s something I’ve been able to do. My love of hiking is also what led me down the path to surgery.
I’d had issues with my knees for many years. About ten years ago I started using hiking poles, and this was a game changer. With poles, I could manage downhills where before I sometimes had to walk backwards to get all the way down. In June of last year, I had the privilege of completing a 5-day hiking trip in Peru with my son. One of the things I love about hiking is seeing places on earth that you can only see by hiking there. Arriving at the Sun Gate near sunset, looking down on Machu Pichu with my son by side is at the top of my list of precious memories. That trip left me with many wonderful memories, and it also left me with lingering soreness in my right knee.
But that didn’t stop me from continuing to hike. My husband and I spent two months on the road later that summer and we did some fabulous hikes: Bryce Canyon and Zion in Utah, the Redwood forest in California, the rainforest of Olympic National Park, Jenny Lake in the Grand Tetons, and the Emerald Lake Trail in Rocky Mountain National Park. I was fine as long as I had my poles and some ibuprofen.
I also did what I could do to manage the lingering soreness in my knee. I continued walking and doing yoga and took up barre classes, building strength and maintaining flexibility. And then last March I put that knee to a big test: a three-day hiking trip on the South Island of New Zealand.
Hiking is a national sport in New Zealand. Really – they take it very seriously! New Zealand has an amazing network of backpacking trails, which they call “tracks,” most of which are multi-day hikes. We found an outfitter that offered a package for a three-day hike on the Routeburn Track which included professional guides, hot tea at lunch, and overnight lodging complete with hot showers, comfy beds, and delicious meals served with wine and beer. The only caveat is that you have to hike 5-8 miles each day over rocky and steep terrain, carrying your own pack. And what they call moderate in New Zealand is what I would call difficult – challenging to say the least. Bottom line – I did it. The hike was fabulous, and it was worth it, but now my knee was telling me it was time to get something done.
The path to surgery was pretty straightforward, and on June 28th I had it done. I understand that going through surgery and having anesthesia is frightening for many people, but I was truly excited to have this surgery. I had confidence in my surgeon. The anesthesia group I work for covers the facility where I had the procedure, so I had the good fortune of having colleagues taking care of me.
My surgery went well and I was soon well on my way to recovery. After two weeks I was back to work. I had a significant limp, but gratefully my job allowed me to be in cases where I could sit a lot. I was going to physical therapy and doing exercises at home. I was encouraged when I realized that exercise made my knee feel better. And bruising and soreness in my thigh was responding well to massage with essential oils.
And then it happened: a little cloud of doubt drifted in.
Just having the doubt itself made me feel down. Before this, I’d had faith. I had faith in my surgeon and the team that took care of me. I had faith in my body’s ability to heal. And I had faith that I would be in good enough shape to go hiking again soon. But I started to worry. I was sore and tired at the end of every day. I wasn’t able to move like I had before and I felt like I’d aged ten years overnight.
Now I hate to admit this, but what started this seed of doubt was when I learned that the tennis star Novak Djokovic had the same surgery I had three weeks before I did, and that was only six weeks before he made it to the finals at Wimbledon. I was three weeks in on my recovery at that point, still struggling to step up and down curbs, much less compete in a major sports championship. I mentioned this to my physical therapist and he laughed and remarked that professionals like Djokovic have abilities and resources far beyond us mere mortals. My husband gently observed that comparing my 62-year old body that does yoga and barre 4 times a week to that of a 37-year old professional athlete was more than slightly absurd.
We had a 2-month stay in Colorado planned, and I was looking forward to hiking in the mountains, among other things. Granted, Colorado is, and has been, a great place to rest, rehabilitate, and recover. But in the back of my mind I wasn’t so sure I would ever be the same. And that made me sad and want to retreat inside.
What I was experiencing was the mind-body connection going down a dark alley-way. Just as the body listens to the mind, the mind listens to the body. And my body was telling my mind to doubt itself. There is an important distinction between that kind of communication and listening to our bodies when it comes to caring for ourselves, such as resting, drinking water, and eating nutritious food. That kind of listening is good and I encourage it. But when the body is telling the mind “you can’t,” or “you’ll never,” then that’s the time to change the channel to a better vibe.
It was challenging, but I worked on turning down the volume on that doubt and focusing on my faith in healing. I kept doing the physical therapy exercises, yoga, and walking, and six weeks after my surgery my knee was feeling good most of the time. And I was feeling a better vibe.
Two days ago I showed that doubt the door. We hiked a little over four miles on a beautiful trail along the Anthracite creek near Paonia, where we are spending the summer. My knee felt good, my body felt good, and I was so happy to be out on the trail once more, taking in the peace and beauty that Mother Nature so freely offers.
Now today, even though my knee feels a little sore, I’m staying tuned in to that positive channel. I’m still exercising, and not just the physical kind. Healing takes time, and I’m choosing to exercise faith in my healing, and not let doubt cloud my mind.